Part XXXIII: 33

I've been chronicling 2nd Life for exactly one year now. Or as I like to call it, my cyber-walkabout. I've tapered off in the last few months due to being preoccupied in the real world. It turns out I'm going to have 33 adventures. I didn't plan it that way but I thought it was an interesting coincidence that I'm also 33 years-old. Maybe it's not interesting.

This might be Huygens and Torchy's last adventure. I'm not sure yet. I've had a blast touring simulated places people have created to escape their real ones. We've cheesed off a lot of people, had many interesting quests, participated in carnal acts of want, had many the wee drop and seen skies so deliciously digitally rendered that it made our eyelids heavy. We've even hung out with fellow bloggers. Keen!

Thank you, to all the readers who have left their comments and observations. I have gone back through the posts and discovered a lot more people left comments on some of my adventures than I thought. I don't know how, but some people from the Star Trek role site I was sneaking around in found this blog and lovingly invited me back. Most people I have met, and not ticked off, in 2nd Life have been really nice and accommodating to my split personality.

We'll see what the future holds for old H & T. With so much to do in real life and so little time, we might have to break our adventures up into seasons and not a year-long event. Huygens data profile will always be out there for me to access. And as long as 2nd Life allows deadbeats like me free access to their sim, then I doubt this will be the end of our heroes...

Fresh off the Pink Floyd boat, I log back in only to find the show over and the crowd has dispersed. I take to the stage, but the instruments are locked down tight. I wave a thank you to a non existent crowd and decide to hitch a ride on a laser beam that says it will take me to a Monty Python cinema.

At first it looks pretty plush and cool. Then, I start to notice something strange about the room.

It's hard to describe, but imagine you were a 3D person walking around inside a 2D painting. The closer I walk to things, the larger they get. Everything is huge. There are seats suited for people my size floating in, what I think is, the middle of room. No Monty Python is playing at the moment.

We decide to take a seat and enjoy the solitude for a sec. Due to the poor digital rendering, it appears like Torchy is impaling me. Maybe we're just that close anymore.

We get bored right on schedule and hightail it out of the cinema.

And, we're back at the original access point to the Pink Floyd, Python and etc. places. What the hell. We'll try checking out the 3D panorama site next. I'm in the mood to see some rugged beauty.

Again, it's like walking around in a photograph. It's disorienting and majestic. It's like having your own holodeck. I play around with a few other scenic landscapes. One was a restaurant. Possibly at the end of the universe.

Time to move on.

What to do? I know it might sound boring for a last adventure, but Torchy and I have a hankering to just mellow out in some quaint Scottish pub somewhere. Maybe chat with a local or two and have a pint or three.

We dial up our guide and come up with a real McKoy. What could be more Scottish than The Scottish Scotland. With that much redundancy in the name, you know it's got to be pretty damn Scottish. Plus, from the description, it's home to the Nicky Tams Pub. Sounds like our kind of place. We're off!

Huh. The Scottish Scotland looks a little more like Star Fleet than Scotland to me. Not that I mind. I like both places. We should explore and find that pub.

Found it! The place looks huge. Not many people here either. I'm hoping the bar is self serve.

We slide up to the bar. There is a bartender. He's slumped over in a restive state. Interestingly, his last name is Linden. I wonder if he's any relation to the creator of 2nd Life. I doubt it.

There are also two cardboard cutout bartenders. One looks like a drunk Leslie Nielson pouring two bottles and one looks like a young and bored G. W. Bush. For some reason, when I sit down at the bar, I assume the same stance as the bored Bush.

I know I'm probably not getting any drinks out of the slumped over Mr. Linden, so I tried the indifferent looking W. The cardboard facsimile dispensed me something called a Blue Orchid Drink.

I'm used to liquor talking to me in 2nd Life and this one didn't disappoint. The Blue Orchid Drink whispers to me, "MMm MMM good!"

Who am I to argue with alcohol. I start chugging away at the blue drink...

...with interesting results. Apparently, this drink kicks you in the ass because my ass was soon falling of my chair. Maybe one should not chug the Blue Orchid Drink.

Now I had a problem. I was thoroughly trashed and had no one to talk to. We wandered over to the enormous fireplace to regroup. Looking at our mini map, Torchy spotted some people behind the building. He suggested we check them out. This drunk torch speaks wisdom. Sure. We'll go meet these fine Scottish lads and have a wee chat.

We stumble out of Nicky Tams Pub and curse G. W. and his magic blue drink. I take to the air and fly behind the bar to see what those people are up to. Wow. There's a castle attached to this place.

It turns out the people are hanging out in the alley behind the bar. It's a rather shabby looking place complete with mismatched furniture, weeds growing through the pavement and old metal garbage cans with fires in them.

The slum's residents are having your typical 2nd Life conversation. By that I mean it makes no sense to me and seems pretty superficial. We might as well go say hi, Torchy.

I introduce myself. They return the salutation. The one called Chuck attempts to razz Torchy. He says, "The Olympics were over weeks ago, Huygens." I introduce Torchy and tell Chuck that he's actually not that athletic of a torch and he makes me carry him everywhere. Chuck and his mate seem genuinely confused about Torchy's sentience, so I don't pursue the subject.

I make a stupid drunk mistake and ask, "And how are you two fine Irish folks doing today?" I guess for a moment I thought I was in the Irish Ireland and not the Scottish Scotland.

Goldie says "eh, no Irish" and Chuck tells me "wrong planet lol". I tell them, "Sorry, I meant Scottish."

I take a seat, pull out my magic blue drink and begin some awkward drunk talk. I tell Goldie that it's a lovely day to slum it and asked if she thought so. She seemed perplexed by my question and stated, "Huh?"

I clarified by saying, "I meant the location. It's a bit rundown, wouldn't you say."

All of a sudden, she got snippy. She says "No, this is our place. We love it."

I had no intention to offend anyone, yet, so I tried to explain by saying, "Hey, I'm not dissing it. But it's not exactly the Ritz though."

She replied, "Whatever."

Whew, that was a close one. We don't want to get kicked out of here...yet.

I asked if anybody wanted a drink. The hot goth girl, named Von, was talking to Chuck about a recent bender she went on, so I thought it was the appropriate time to ask.

I caught a part of their conversation where Von said something about two glasses of wine and she was anybody's. I quickly went for my inventory and passed her a glass of Merlot. She accepted it with no reciprocation. What the hell? She lies.

Then she said she was actually more of a champagne chick herself. All right, I thought. I reached into my bag and pulled out a glass of the bubbly and offered it up. Again, she took it with no reciprocation. What a tease. Stupid lying goth elf chick.

I was getting bummed, but it was nothing a magic blue drink couldn't help.

I started chugging on the endless glass of Blue Orchid. Chuck told me to take it easy on the intense ingestion.

His words were not heeded. Again, I fell on my ass in a drunk stupor. It was met with much laughter.

I scrambled back up on my perch and proclaimed with sincerity, "I love you guysss!" And it was met with more laughter. One of them said that they were spoken for and the others returned to their private meaningless chat. I must be getting on their nerves.

Nothing to do now but get louder. I yelled, "Long Live Scotland!"

Chuck said, "You thought it was Ireland before."

I hazily replied, "Oh yeah? (hic) Sorry."

Chuck really busted a gut with my reply. Goldie expressed her dismay at me with a "geez". I thought things couldn't get any better.

That's when I got booted. Why? I'll never be sure. I thought they were being properly entertained by us, but maybe they really wanted to get back to that meaningless 2nd Life chat and were tired of the interruptions. We'll never know.

I'm really happy about it, though. We've been kicked out of so many 2nd Life venues that I've lost count. It wouldn't have been a proper year-end adventure without getting kicked out of somewhere. Right, Torchy?

He says indubitably.

Happy Holidays to you and yours from all of us in 2nd Life.

I'm sure there's still an adventure or two in our bag of tricks. Maybe we'll see you again next year sometime.

Until then, stay safe and be kind to strange avatars. They just might entertain the hell out of you.

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