Part XXXI: Huygens Pees Like A Girl

During our last adventure, Torchy and I paused to gaze at the moon. I wondered offhandedly if it was a place to visit here in 2nd Life. After a quick search of my travel guide I concluded it was not, unfortunately. But, there was a site created by NASA to showcase their eventual return to the moon. We decided to head on over to see how things were going, although I'm sure they've made more progress in this life than the real one.

No sooner than we get there, Torchy spots a cousin of his and introduces me. After some 3rd degree burns, we say our goodbyes to the rocket scientist and move on.

The seat is a bit uncomfortable, but the view is amazing.

We attempt to learn something in one of the Mars simulation rooms without much luck. NASA should really get on the ball in real life and leave 2nd Life space to the sci-fi role play sites. Although with the economy the way it is, I bet lindens(2nd Life's currency) are all the government is willing to give NASA at the moment.

Say, I wonder how 2nd Life's economy is doing right now with real life in a financial mess. I bet I could go to the main website and find out, but the more and more I dwell in this simulated world, the more I love staying on the outer rim of society. Torchy and I are loners at heart and care not for the popular going-ons of this sim-construct.

I get an idea to type in my hometown, Springfield, into my guide to see if it has any representation here. Not a bit as it turns out, but you can probably guess what did come up. That's right, the Simpson's home town. Since it's the only Springfield we've got, we might as well go and say hi to Moe.

Oh man, this is terrible. The "Springfield" is remarkably strange. It's not laid out the same, which was to be expected. But instead of three dimensional characters, Moe and Barney are laughable cardboard cut-outs. They have a "touch me for a private chat" option. I give Barney a try. He starts spouting out Irish and other bizarre proverbs. So far, I'm not feeling Simpson here. Love the Duff Man poster, though.

Not liking what they did to Barney one bit, I activate the 2D Moe to see what's up. He spouts the same exact nonsense. Man, oh man, am I teed off. We gotta ditch this joint.

I find Homer and Marge's house and can say I'm not so impressed by the cardboard cutout background. I can understand if you can't afford the extra land or have the time to create the rest of the town, but could you at least make sure the panels match up?

We notice a slight proportion problem with the garage. Unfortunately, they didn't program the house to be gotten into.

Springfield Elementary is located right behind the Simpson's home. Why does Bart take a bus then? Anyway, there's a 2D Skinner waiting to greet me. By now it's no surprise that he spits out the same garbage Moe and Barney did.

But unlike the Simpson's house, we're able to enter this building. Everything is a bit scaled down, though. The classroom only has three desks. Cheeeeap.

We head into the bathroom. I'm surprised to find sexual oriented action balls around the toilet. Apparently this programmer was lazy and a perv.

You've got your standard blowjob and doggy style icons around one john, but it's the other one that has me fascinated. It simply says "Girl Pee!" Why the exclamation mark? Was the programmer that excited about it? I've got to try that one first.

Wow. I never knew girls arched their backs and gripped the bowl thusly when they peed. You learn something new everyday.

I had to find out how the female persuasion tackles a urinal as well. Turns out, it's about the same. Go figure.

On to the last toilet, I assume the felacio position. Some poor guy somewhere is missing out. It kind of looks like a real bear hug blowjob to me.

The bowl enjoys some of my doggy style. It looks like I'm about to hurl.

Who knew I'd find a wonderful spot of smut in a poorly fabricated Simpsons site? But, with 2nd Life, I should have figured.

...