Part XX: Hey You, Let's Fight: Episode 2: The Fightn' Cycling Tour

We're in The Black Forest. It's not that big actually. A couple acres at the most. But, it's pretty. Maybe I'll try and squat my cabin here sometime and see how long it lasts. Not yet though. We're on a mission to see how people react when we ask them if they want to fight.

Since we can build here, I think I'll dust off that BMX bike Herschel gave me a while back. I might get to people faster if I'm cycling. Sorry, Torchy. You'll have to adjourn to the inventory. It's much easier to pilot a spaceship holding a torch than it is to ride a bike with one.

The Black Forest appears to be surrounded by residential neighborhoods of upper middle class to light rich design. This area of The Black Forest is a "Pipe Free" zone. I wonder if that includes joints?

It turns out I can only ride my bike as fast as I can walk. At least it looks different than walking.

Upon leaving the forest, I can't help but think back to Part V, when I saw that organization's poster decrying the overuse of ads and billboards in 2nd Life. I'm starting to agree. It's just like real life in a way. The land in between private lands is crammed with advertising. Except here it's worse. Billboards can float in the sky.

I hit the residential yuppie neighborhood at full speed. The first person I come across is a woman in stirrups standing on a fence, watching a large fire. I rolled up and asked her, "Hey crazy lady, you want to fight?" She responded, "Ew. Beat it." I was happy to fulfill her request. I rolled on.

I coasted right into some guy's back patio. He turned and looked at me kind of startled. I said to him, "Sorry to interrupt all that standing and staring you're doing, but I was just seeing if you might be itching for a fight at all." He looked at me again and said "You have 20 seconds to vacate the premises before you get booted." I replied, "That's rather automated of you."

And then I was booted. I transported under da sea somewhere I do not know where. He didn't even give me the 20 seconds. It's looks like someone else is under the waves with me judging by my radar. Maybe they crossed that yuppie dick and got booted here too.

I cycled on over to the person. A lady as it turns out.

I asked her, "Would you like to fight?"

She said, "No thank you." I replied, "OK, thank you for your time." And then I followed with, "Nice dress by the way." She said, "Thank you, and good luck with the fights." "Thanks!" I says and I peddled off. When well past her, Torchy mumbles something from my pocket. Damn, you're right. I forgot to ask her what the hell she was doing all the way out here anyway. Oh well.

After about 5 minutes of moderately paced riding, I hit dry land. It looks to be a Japanese garden/shrine of sorts. And in front of me a curvy cat-woman with ginormous exposed mammaries. This was not the scene I was expecting. Although by now I should be used to it.

She spoke first, "Hello, Sir." Her name was "pleasing Littlething". Fitting, if you're into cat-people, I guess. The place itself was called "Tut-Shaio Designs and Espresso Land LLC Home". Littlething here was definitely espressoing herself a bit. Where the hell does the coffee come into this place? Anyway, the point is, I eventually asked her if she wanted to fight.

She replied, "I hope you do not bring fight to this property, Sir." I responded, "I do not bring anything, Ms. Thing. I merely offer."

Then she said, "I would thank you to take your fighting will someplace else, Sir." I liked the way she put that. I replied, "I will gladly move on. I don't want to cause a fuss."

Then she said, "Besides, I could orbit you to a million kilometers at will. But I prefer not to."

Wow. Peaceful and deadly. I said, "That's cool! I've only been in orbit once. But since you prefer not to, I won't ask you to do it."

"You're weird, Sir," she responded.

I think we're having a Peanuts moment.

...