Part XVIII: The Dud Knight

Evicted! I log back in 8 days later to find my cabin booted off the land and back into my pocket. Ouch. So much for squatting here. It was beautiful and peaceful too. Oh well, I'm kind of looking for something underwater anyway. Less conspicuous.

The area was so calming, I had to lay in the waterfall and have a Jack & Coke while I figured out what to do. Torchy was away visiting his family on Orientation Island so it was just me and my thoughts.

I sifted through my inventory for anything that would give me inspiration for my next adventure. What's this? I still haven't tried on my Batman avatar yet? Well, time to play some serious dress-up.

It seems to be bordering between a cool Batman and a hokey one. I elongate the cape a little for my personal taste. I hate that short-cape-Batman shit.

What to do now? Say, I wonder if they have a Gotham City here in 2nd Life. If I am to be The Dark Knight, then the least I could do is prowl around his turf and bust a few heads. I cue up my guide and type in "gotham city".

I get two hits. The first one and most visited, Gotham City XXX, is heralding itself as the "Largest Fuck Sim in Second Life" in its description. Apparently it has everything from gang-bangs to slave auctions. Not the exact Gotham City I was looking for but what the hell. I'll check it out. Besides, with that much debauchery there's got to me some crime in there that needs its head busted.

Largest Fuck Sim my ass. Sure, there are 20 or so people here, but they're all dancing to horrible techno. No coitus to be seen. I see people dancing in cages for dollars. Unfortunately I see no empty cages. The thought of seeing Batman dance slutty in a bondage cage is appealing, but I'm done with money for a while. And like I said, there were no free cages.

There was a teleport guide to the place on the wall, so I went and checked it out.

They seem all self explanatory to me. All except the bottom far right corner. I don't even see any people in the picture. Most likely that's the kinkiest one. There were a few that might be worth a look see, but I just wasn't in the mood for a bat-job. Maybe if I was a Bruce Wayne avatar, but Batman feels like some face punching. Not lovin.

Time to beam on over to the other Gotham City. Comic book references abound though its description. The only problem is that it has low traffic. There's probably nobody even in there.

"This is my city........population 3......I'm Batman."

I always wanted to say that in context. But I don't lie. There are only two other people in here. At least without a lot of people around I can test whatever Batman abilities I have. I'm standing on the edge. If I jump off let's see if I glide with my cape or use some bat-grapple gun or simply flip a bunch of cool times and land awesome like .

I take the plunge.

OK, no wicked cape gliding yet so I bet those cool flips are coming any time now.

Splat. It's seems I do not possess any of Batman's talents. Only his smashing good looks. At least I can fly. Batman can't do that. Ha.

Enough testing, since there's nothing to test. I decided to check on one of the other residents of this fine burg. If they want a fight, they came to the right bat.

Well well. It seems my opposite, Batgirl, is hanging out on this rooftop. She could very well be the nemesis I've been expecting.

I went in for a closer look. It looked like she was away from her avatar. Possible RFS. She was slumping a bit but not a lot. Use caution Bats.

I tried using my harpoon on her, but it didn't work. Again it looked like all my ordinance was useless here. Drat. What could I do to fight this non active person?

I went back to basics. I got next to her and ever so gently started to nudge her. The ledge was only a few feet away so I figured a good 100 ft fall would be a good first blow to make in our powerful super-fight.

Just as we were reaching the ledge, she came to and asked, "Are you pushing me?" Oh no! our evil genius was playing possum. Forget it Bats, push her over! Now!

I kept pushing as frantically as was alloted to me. Just as we reached the edge she pulled some sort of high kick and I went spilling over the edge. Damn you Batchick! First blood is yours.

I fell to the ground with another splat. I got up and started to head around to the other side of the building. Maybe I could sneak up behind her and perform some sort of killing stroke.

Oh yeah. I probably should have remembered she has radar too and saw me headed around back. She was there to meet me. Damn you, Batchick.

To my extreme disadvantage, she was also armed with a functional bat-plasma gun. She ejected a few discharges in my direction but I dodged them easy. She was too high in the sky to be accurate. Maybe she thought I might be scared off by a few warning shots. She flew back to the roof top.

No way am I backing down. I fly up to the roof and shout, "Come get some!" She cocks her hand in the "bring it" motion. Don't worry my fem-nemesis, it's being brought.

I start to dive bomb her. Maybe I can still knock her off the roof through repeated aerial nudging. She starts taking shots at me with that plasma gun of hers. I do a pretty good job evading the blasts.

Then all of a sudden, The Question shows up. I fly down to see if he's with me or with my evil arch nemesis.

Batgirl, being the evil devious mastermind, takes advantage of this distraction. She fires a full blast into an unsuspecting me. It hurts, I think. Why did I let my guard down? I get thrown back and fall through the open ceiling onto the floor below. Now I was really pissed.

I fly back up only to be pelted by more of Batbitch's weapons. The Question even has a tommy gun now and is taking pot shots. I guess he's picked sides, the bastard. I'm loosing this battle fast.

Think old man! Think! Adapt to the situation before you get poned.

Then I got an idea. I remembered Herschel said the "moonwalk" gesture we got from that beefcake at that pub isn't really a moonwalk. When you activate it, all of a sudden you start humping a bison with the words "Owned" above it.

I had no idea if this would work but I went for my utility belt and threw the moonwalk at The Question. He seemed confused for a second but then accepted it. Phase one. Now all he has to do is investigate it a little further and...

Yes! You got owned, The Question. He was really humping buffalo now. He yelled, "Hey, this isn't a moon walk at all!" Batgirl was about snap out of the events she was seeing but before she did, I lobbed a glass of Merlot at her. Stunned again, she accepted it and started sipping.

The Question was finally able to disengage the bison from his pelvis, but before he could retaliate, I chucked him a bottle of Absinthe. He accepted and stated, "Whoa, liquor." He immediately started chugging on the bottle.

I'm not sure if it was the Absinthe or what, but soon The Question was flying around on Pegasus. Batgirl continued to sip her wine and seemed to be glowing a little.

Then Laura Croft popped up and I hurled her a can of Guinness. This was too easy. With the fight forgotten by my enemies, victory became mine! Ha Ha Ha!

Wait till I tell Torchy about this one.

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