Part IX: Night of the Nature Boy

As the sun was going down on ChillOut Island and the weed was really starting to kick in, Huygens and Torchy realized they were blitzed and all jazzed up. Was it time for another crazy adventure already?

You bet.

The night is young. One cannot sit long when a whole wide virtual world is calling and THC is running rampant through your body. Let us be off, I say. Let's go look at art while stoned!

We check our guide to 2nd Life and spot "The Transreality Art Gallery". Sounds like the perfect place to view art while geeked. Time to click that teleport button, man.

But these clothes, so oppressive. I'm not sure if it's the pot talking, but something definitely wants me in my birthday suit for this. Unfortunately I have no cash to purchase any genitals, flaccid or erect, at this point so I'm going to have to sport the eunuch look for awhile. At least I have some tight gluteals though. That should make up for something.

Well, here we are, Torchy. Shall we go in and have a gander at the virtual art? I wonder how my emperor's clothes will go over with the other patrons? I'm pretty high, but I seem to remember a friend telling me that there was a police beat here in 2nd Life. It is possible to get into trouble with the law. There are decency codes set up in a lot of the realms here and infringing on those codes could mean trouble and therefore we might end up being posted in said police beat. I only hope 5-O overlooks my lewd adventure.

But I can't let reefer madness get to me. I've got to stop being paranoid and just go with it, man. Let's go in.

Nice place. No one seems to have noticed me yet. Why they are all in the lobby and not the show room confuses me at first. Then I realize. They're camping. They're sitting around earning cash, as explained in our last adventure. Maybe there's some art in there they really need to have or something. Rather than trying to converse with any of these noobs, I thought I would try my luck in the gallery to see if there was anyone who wanted to argue over art with a buck-naked stoner.

Nobody home. Damn. I really wanted to argue with someone about art. What else could I do? The paintings, if you can call them that here, were visually nice on Huygen's red eyes, but it was making us tired. We needed to jazzercise things up a bit to maintain alertness in case the fuzz shows up to issue me a citation. But what to do? I know. We'll go entertain those camping noobs in the lobby!

I tried telling them that joke I know about the kid's dad taking too much Viagra.

No response.

I tried dancing the hula for them. No applause.

I gave them an in-your-face muscle show. Nothing. One guy got up and left. I think I'm losing the crowd. Either I suck at entertaining or these people are more stoned than I am.

I couldn't take it anymore. My only recourse was to sign off on these losers with the KMA (kiss my ass) gesture that I hold in reserve for situations like this. It definitely works better when you're nude.

It reeks of apathy in here. I'm going outside to get some fresh air.

Outside I noticed an interesting sign posted, ironically, on the side of an advertising sign store. I could relate to this cause. I hate all the billboards in my hometown and I hate seeing advertising everywhere. But, so far, ads have not ruined my 2nd Life experience so I shall not take the free pamphlet this sign is offering. When I start seeing too many golden arches around, maybe I'll come back and look into what they're preaching.

But what to do now? I was still in the mood for art but had no ideas. I checked with my trusty, rusty guide and came across a place called "Zoe Garden". The description has it as an earth(?) friendly place with sculptures, music and all around pleasantness. Sounds like a good place to finally come down. Let's go!

This place is pretty serene. It's a hilly, wooded land with log cabins gently nestled here and there. There's lovely sculptures adorning people's lawns. I was inspecting one of these sculptures when I came across these two people chatting besides their fire. From what I could gather, the artist dude was lamenting about having to change his address. Apparently, he's a recent resident of these parts.

They still hadn't noticed me yet, when Torchy gave me an idea. I haven't mentioned it yet, but Torchy is very ornery when he's high. He suggested I should try my harpoon on these poor unsuspecting residents. It's true, I had not tried any of my ordinance in awhile. I wasn't sure if any of it would work in this zone. Let's see if it works.

It worked better than I hoped. When I shot Souza (the female) she got caught up on some rocks and went flailing. I then targeted Cristobal (the dude) and fired away. It was a perfect shot. He came reeling back to me at top speed. I wish I could have gotten screen shots of it, but it happens really fast.

So now I have this huge-biker-looking dude and his Slash's-sister-looking friend giving me the once over after the way I rudely announced my presence.

Our conversation went something like this:

Slash's sister seemed pretty pissed and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?"
I calmly answered, "I don't really have a good answer."
And then I followed up with my own question. "How's things and stuff?"
She ignored this pleasantry and asked "Shouldn't you be putting on some clothes?"
Since manners were out the door now, I fired back, "Aaaah, it's just what god gave me, you puritan pukes" and added "I feel so free, and without the shrinkage!."

I wasn't impressing Slash's sister but then biker dude stated, "Maybe we are a bit overdressed."

At least my philosophy was getting through to Cristobal. There was now a slim chance I could get these guys striped down and start our own little nudist colony.

Souza wasn't buying it without a fight. She inquired, "So where'd your clothes go then, Nature Boy?"
I made the mistake of telling them part of the truth. I evenly stated, "All my clothes were sticky after Free Sex Land. Had to wash them. They're drying now."

That was the last straw.

They catapulted me off their property with extreme prejudice. I went flying through the fir trees, and it's a good I don't have any genitals. Those pine combs could hurt something.

Me and Torchy picked ourselves up, dusted off and shouted an insult in their direction in order to get the last word in.

Plus, there's another way to get the last laugh. On a ridge overlooking Cristobal's home, some conga drums are set up. I flew up there to inspect.

Aaahhhh. Revenge is playing the drums to all hours of the night in the nude while smoking a joint. I hope they have to shout while talking to each other now.

I just hope Slash's sister doesn't call the cops.