Year 2 - Part I: "Not Much"

There are some who say 2nd Life is a vacuous waste of time and a poor substitute for reality. I would agree with some of that. There are those who adore the friends they make, the house(s) they own, the good times they have and the money they make in SL and think it's the lion's meow. I would agree with some of those people too. Ever on the fence about this digital world, I decided that one year was not nearly enough time to pass judgment on it.

It's time to thaw old Huygens and Torchy out of digital hibernation. When the start page pulls up, I see what I had been expecting. 2nd Life has a new update. I would hope so since it's been a year since I logged on. I download and install it as fast as my machine will humanly allow. Love that tree image though. I think I might actually be getting somewhat possibly excited.

Starting back up again, I laugh at the next start up page displayed. It's not the strange ensemble of emo-looking characters having a picnic on a beautiful 2nd Life day, nor is it the new wide-screen aspect I will now have to deal with, but it's the deer in the background looking at these strange folk. It has this "What the hell did I just walk into here?" look in its stance.

I quickly type in my credentials, punch "Login" and send my sleeping avatar and his sidekick back to (2nd)life....

"Oh yeaaaaaah!"

But where the hell are we? No man's land? I don't remember signing out here the last time I was on. SL does have a slight unpredictability that I am fond of in this aspect. I do spot a shopping complex near here. Let's go have a gander, Torchy. I still have 16 lindens to spend somewhere. Maybe I can find someone there to fill me in on what's been happening here in the last 9 months.

The strip mall is pretty devoid of life too. The first thing we notice is the obligitory camping for cash spot. I'm almost tempted to check out the "Dictator Store" in the distance, but my need to chat is more impending. Time to bug out.

We take to the air and hit our travel guide up for somewhere to go. Torchy get nostalgic and suggests we hit a usual spot of ours, the SL Botanical Garden. If we want to get the skinny on the last nine months around here, I'm sure someone there will tell us.

Now while I'm sure SL has upped the graphics and textures of the place, the 64 Mb graphic card I'm working with on this adventure does not do them any justice. The trees look pasted onto the hill. I should try our next episode from my home computer and see the difference.

When did they put in the arboretum? Maybe I just never noticed it before.

I find my favorite water watching spot and sit down to watch some water. We're waiting for someone to show up. Finally, a couple does show up. I attempt to engage them but they brush me off. It must be the snooty time of the month around here. I tell them both to kiss off.

We check out the teleport map the snooty girl was checking out. I guess I never noticed it before. Most of the spots highlighted appear nature oriented. "Bliss Gardens" sounds kind of interesting. Maybe Torchy and I will do a bit of camping in the near future. But, for right now, we want to chat with someone. That "Hikari" site looks intriguing and tranquil. I bet there are no snooty people there.

There are no snooty people here. In fact, there's nobody here whatsoever. No small talk is to be had in Hikari. Visually, it's a pretty decent orgasm so we take a few minutes to explore.

There's not much here unless your library has a severe sutra deficiency. They have everything from the Kalama Sutra to the Metta Sutra. All with a price tag, of course. How Zen of you guys.

But where to? What possible location might have a bunch of overly friendly people very willing to chat? I know! A nude beach. Torchy and I don our birthday suits and take off for "Laguna Nude Beach".

"Oh yeaaaaaah!"

It's nice to be around people again. We have about a 2-1 ratio of nudity here. Not bad. I suppose we should mingle a little. Let's see if we can find us a scantily clad, buxom young lady that's into torches.

After rambling around a little, we head toward the water and find a young lady, SiNNa Mint, basking in the sun in what her god gave her. Torchy and I settle down on the towel beside her and strike up a local chat.

Me: "Sun's nice, eh?"
SiNNa: "Mmmmhmm...careful your gonna burn yourself."
At this point, I think she's referring to me rolling around on a towel with a lit torch.
Me: "It's OK, baby. I'm fireproof."
She seemed genuinely unimpressed and did not say anything. Maybe I was laying it on a little thick.
Me: "Sooo...What's been going on around here in the last nine months?
SiNNa: "Not much."
She's a regular wellspring of information. Torchy says maybe if I pay her a compliment she'll open up a little. It's worth a try.
Me: "Nice ass by the way. Did you make it yourself?"
She got up and left. I guess "not much" is better than nothing.

We're striking out left and right, Torchy. I guess SiNNa was right. Nothing has changed really.

We wander aimlessly. We take a shower. We try and rap with a couple more blokes. Nothing doing. I'm starting to realize why I took 9 months off.

Maybe we should weird it up a little ourselves, Torchy. I've seen some interestingly odd avatars around here. Let's change our appearance a little.

First, I'll pull out my most metro sexual outfit. A iridescent pink tank top, some tight purple leather pants, and a porcupine on my shoulder is a good start. I don't think I'm quite odd enough though.

Maybe a Darth Vader helmet and a peg leg will help. Yeah. That's looking about right. It needs something else though. Hmmmmm....

There! That does it. It just needed some elbow length, black nylon gloves. Perfect. Who wouldn't want to talk to this guy?

Incidentally, I like how the poor rendering of the peg leg still shows a chunk of my foot. Now that's classy. I wonder where we should take this new guise of ours, Torchy? Let's check the guide.

Speaking of meaningless, why not check out some fine dining and food accessories? "Kitchen Korner Food" looks promising. I bet they have plenty of things I have to imagine how they taste. People are also more prone to conversation on a full stomach too.


If there's one thing I know for certain about 2nd Life, it's that red carpet is the most popular. This place is pretty spiff. I decide to lose the Darth Vader helmet. It was getting stuffy and I couldn't see that well.

There's something disturbing about the shopping cart with the two unattended babies in it. I'm hopping SL has some laws concerning neglectful parents. Perhaps they belong to the gentlemen eating next to the "Animated Eating!" sign.

I knelt down at his table and attempt to engage the animated eater. I notice his title indicates he's an employee here. Either he's slacking big time or he's paid to pretend to eat. I can't decide which would be worse.

I ask him if the sushi here is good. He declines to acknowledge Torchy and I. Hmm. This guy is rude as hell or really into his work. Or, perhaps, I've bugged him on his lunch break. It would not be the first time we've busted in on some one's sanctuary.

I ask him if he likes fish sticks. Still nothing. Occasionally he looks up and it almost seems like he might say something but doesn't. Maybe he's not allowed to talk to anyone, like a royal palace guard or something. I tell him I'm going to call child services for neglecting his kids in the shopping cart. He looks up again and gives me a good 10 second stare, but after that, he goes right back to eating. Well, Torchy. Let's leave this deadbeat dad/slacker employee to his sushi.

We decide to check out the patio area with its lovely view and lone occupant, a violinist named Thundr Tabla. He's in the middle of belting out some jamming Mozart when I walked up to him. I accessed my gestures, enabled "Clapping" and told him that the music was pretty.

I figured no response was coming judging from the last "employee". But once I was done clapping, he stopped and took a bow. It was tempting to think he was real and not some automobotic-a-tron guy. So what to do?

I had an idea. As soon as he started back up I activated my "Boo" gesture and let him have it. He didn't acknowledge that one, and I kind of felt like a dick afterward even though I knew he probably wasn't sentient. Time to move on.

We head to the kitchen and find a bizarre looking avatar shopping for fridges. His name is Keesar Cushing and I wonder if he's any relation to Peter. I look closer and find out he's not all that bizarre but just really into the Pittsburgh Steelers. He also turns out to be the friendliest person I met so far in this episode.

Me: "What up?"
Keesar: "Not much, just shopping around, you?"

Me: "Oh, just visiting 2nd Life again. It's been about 9 months."
Keesar: "Cool. Welcome back."
Me: "Thanks."
Keesar: "You shopping too?"
Me: "Me? No. I took a vow of poverty. I kind of wander all over and chronicle it into my blog."

Keesar: "Sounds like fun. There is a lot to explore in SL, that's for sure."
Me: "Word."
Me: "Oh, by the way, you'll be featured in the next adventure as the one non-snooty person I had an interaction with."
Keesar: "That's funny. Yeah there are a lot of people here into their own thing and not much else."
Me: "You mean "assholes"."
Keesar: "Ha ha. Yeah."
Me: "Good luck with the shopping, Keesar, and thanks for chatting."
Keesar: "My pleasure. Good luck with the adventures."

We parted ways and I felt better after finding a friendly soul. It was nice finding Keesar. I was on the verge of washing my hands of this whole 2nd Life. At least there are still some nice, weird people still out there, so I guess not much has changed.

Somehow I end up in the liquor section. I must have a sixth sense about such things.

Ahhhh....enjoying one of my free drinks from my bag while perched on an overpriced keg you can't even drink from. I love the irony of this place sometimes...

...

Part XXXIII: 33

I've been chronicling 2nd Life for exactly one year now. Or as I like to call it, my cyber-walkabout. I've tapered off in the last few months due to being preoccupied in the real world. It turns out I'm going to have 33 adventures. I didn't plan it that way but I thought it was an interesting coincidence that I'm also 33 years-old. Maybe it's not interesting.

This might be Huygens and Torchy's last adventure. I'm not sure yet. I've had a blast touring simulated places people have created to escape their real ones. We've cheesed off a lot of people, had many interesting quests, participated in carnal acts of want, had many the wee drop and seen skies so deliciously digitally rendered that it made our eyelids heavy. We've even hung out with fellow bloggers. Keen!

Thank you, to all the readers who have left their comments and observations. I have gone back through the posts and discovered a lot more people left comments on some of my adventures than I thought. I don't know how, but some people from the Star Trek role site I was sneaking around in found this blog and lovingly invited me back. Most people I have met, and not ticked off, in 2nd Life have been really nice and accommodating to my split personality.

We'll see what the future holds for old H & T. With so much to do in real life and so little time, we might have to break our adventures up into seasons and not a year-long event. Huygens data profile will always be out there for me to access. And as long as 2nd Life allows deadbeats like me free access to their sim, then I doubt this will be the end of our heroes...

Fresh off the Pink Floyd boat, I log back in only to find the show over and the crowd has dispersed. I take to the stage, but the instruments are locked down tight. I wave a thank you to a non existent crowd and decide to hitch a ride on a laser beam that says it will take me to a Monty Python cinema.

At first it looks pretty plush and cool. Then, I start to notice something strange about the room.

It's hard to describe, but imagine you were a 3D person walking around inside a 2D painting. The closer I walk to things, the larger they get. Everything is huge. There are seats suited for people my size floating in, what I think is, the middle of room. No Monty Python is playing at the moment.

We decide to take a seat and enjoy the solitude for a sec. Due to the poor digital rendering, it appears like Torchy is impaling me. Maybe we're just that close anymore.

We get bored right on schedule and hightail it out of the cinema.

And, we're back at the original access point to the Pink Floyd, Python and etc. places. What the hell. We'll try checking out the 3D panorama site next. I'm in the mood to see some rugged beauty.

Again, it's like walking around in a photograph. It's disorienting and majestic. It's like having your own holodeck. I play around with a few other scenic landscapes. One was a restaurant. Possibly at the end of the universe.

Time to move on.

What to do? I know it might sound boring for a last adventure, but Torchy and I have a hankering to just mellow out in some quaint Scottish pub somewhere. Maybe chat with a local or two and have a pint or three.

We dial up our guide and come up with a real McKoy. What could be more Scottish than The Scottish Scotland. With that much redundancy in the name, you know it's got to be pretty damn Scottish. Plus, from the description, it's home to the Nicky Tams Pub. Sounds like our kind of place. We're off!

Huh. The Scottish Scotland looks a little more like Star Fleet than Scotland to me. Not that I mind. I like both places. We should explore and find that pub.

Found it! The place looks huge. Not many people here either. I'm hoping the bar is self serve.

We slide up to the bar. There is a bartender. He's slumped over in a restive state. Interestingly, his last name is Linden. I wonder if he's any relation to the creator of 2nd Life. I doubt it.

There are also two cardboard cutout bartenders. One looks like a drunk Leslie Nielson pouring two bottles and one looks like a young and bored G. W. Bush. For some reason, when I sit down at the bar, I assume the same stance as the bored Bush.

I know I'm probably not getting any drinks out of the slumped over Mr. Linden, so I tried the indifferent looking W. The cardboard facsimile dispensed me something called a Blue Orchid Drink.

I'm used to liquor talking to me in 2nd Life and this one didn't disappoint. The Blue Orchid Drink whispers to me, "MMm MMM good!"

Who am I to argue with alcohol. I start chugging away at the blue drink...

...with interesting results. Apparently, this drink kicks you in the ass because my ass was soon falling of my chair. Maybe one should not chug the Blue Orchid Drink.

Now I had a problem. I was thoroughly trashed and had no one to talk to. We wandered over to the enormous fireplace to regroup. Looking at our mini map, Torchy spotted some people behind the building. He suggested we check them out. This drunk torch speaks wisdom. Sure. We'll go meet these fine Scottish lads and have a wee chat.

We stumble out of Nicky Tams Pub and curse G. W. and his magic blue drink. I take to the air and fly behind the bar to see what those people are up to. Wow. There's a castle attached to this place.

It turns out the people are hanging out in the alley behind the bar. It's a rather shabby looking place complete with mismatched furniture, weeds growing through the pavement and old metal garbage cans with fires in them.

The slum's residents are having your typical 2nd Life conversation. By that I mean it makes no sense to me and seems pretty superficial. We might as well go say hi, Torchy.

I introduce myself. They return the salutation. The one called Chuck attempts to razz Torchy. He says, "The Olympics were over weeks ago, Huygens." I introduce Torchy and tell Chuck that he's actually not that athletic of a torch and he makes me carry him everywhere. Chuck and his mate seem genuinely confused about Torchy's sentience, so I don't pursue the subject.

I make a stupid drunk mistake and ask, "And how are you two fine Irish folks doing today?" I guess for a moment I thought I was in the Irish Ireland and not the Scottish Scotland.

Goldie says "eh, no Irish" and Chuck tells me "wrong planet lol". I tell them, "Sorry, I meant Scottish."

I take a seat, pull out my magic blue drink and begin some awkward drunk talk. I tell Goldie that it's a lovely day to slum it and asked if she thought so. She seemed perplexed by my question and stated, "Huh?"

I clarified by saying, "I meant the location. It's a bit rundown, wouldn't you say."

All of a sudden, she got snippy. She says "No, this is our place. We love it."

I had no intention to offend anyone, yet, so I tried to explain by saying, "Hey, I'm not dissing it. But it's not exactly the Ritz though."

She replied, "Whatever."

Whew, that was a close one. We don't want to get kicked out of here...yet.

I asked if anybody wanted a drink. The hot goth girl, named Von, was talking to Chuck about a recent bender she went on, so I thought it was the appropriate time to ask.

I caught a part of their conversation where Von said something about two glasses of wine and she was anybody's. I quickly went for my inventory and passed her a glass of Merlot. She accepted it with no reciprocation. What the hell? She lies.

Then she said she was actually more of a champagne chick herself. All right, I thought. I reached into my bag and pulled out a glass of the bubbly and offered it up. Again, she took it with no reciprocation. What a tease. Stupid lying goth elf chick.

I was getting bummed, but it was nothing a magic blue drink couldn't help.

I started chugging on the endless glass of Blue Orchid. Chuck told me to take it easy on the intense ingestion.

His words were not heeded. Again, I fell on my ass in a drunk stupor. It was met with much laughter.

I scrambled back up on my perch and proclaimed with sincerity, "I love you guysss!" And it was met with more laughter. One of them said that they were spoken for and the others returned to their private meaningless chat. I must be getting on their nerves.

Nothing to do now but get louder. I yelled, "Long Live Scotland!"

Chuck said, "You thought it was Ireland before."

I hazily replied, "Oh yeah? (hic) Sorry."

Chuck really busted a gut with my reply. Goldie expressed her dismay at me with a "geez". I thought things couldn't get any better.

That's when I got booted. Why? I'll never be sure. I thought they were being properly entertained by us, but maybe they really wanted to get back to that meaningless 2nd Life chat and were tired of the interruptions. We'll never know.

I'm really happy about it, though. We've been kicked out of so many 2nd Life venues that I've lost count. It wouldn't have been a proper year-end adventure without getting kicked out of somewhere. Right, Torchy?

He says indubitably.

Happy Holidays to you and yours from all of us in 2nd Life.

I'm sure there's still an adventure or two in our bag of tricks. Maybe we'll see you again next year sometime.

Until then, stay safe and be kind to strange avatars. They just might entertain the hell out of you.

...

Part XXXII: Bright Side Of The Moon

We stepped out of Springfield Elementary's bathroom feeling slightly used and sticky. What now?

Torchy turns my attention to a small viewing area off to the side of this Springfield sim.

Why, it's a cozy little theater where you can watch Itchy & Scratchy cartoons! How lovely.

We settled down and watched one of our favorites.

But, I can only take so much of myself watching my other self watching something. We decide to leave Springfield and the pervs that dwell in the school bathroom.

On my mini map I notice a bunch of people hanging out northeast of this location. Torchy and I don't like crowds that much, unless we're aggravating them somehow, but we decide to fly on over to see what all the hubbub is about.

When we get to the location, we don't find anybody. How odd. It's also odd that we've seemed to have entered Pink Floyd County. Then I start looking around and notice icons placed around that say "Teleport to the Pink Floyd Stage". Ah ha. That's where all the people must be.

Sometimes when you have a popular site, It's cool to place it a mile above or below the ground. I'd wager this one is above. The pigs can fly better up there. But, there's only one way to find out. It's hard to choose what icon to use, but I think I'll go with the pool of water. And away we go....

Where the hell am I?

Did we teleport to the wrong place? I hear Pink Floyd playing, so I don't think so. Maybe we should turn around.

Oh. There they are. Wow. This place is nuts. I love it.

There's quite a large crowd rocking out. They even have a 3D construct of Pink Floyd, circa 1973. The saxaphonist is bellowing away as I navigate the crowd to find a nice spot to watch the lasers. Oh, did I mention they had lasers too? They do. Even some coming out of the pig's eyes.

Aside from the dance floor, there are several circles of Indian pillows for guests to lounge on. I head over to one near Jupiter and a couple making out. To my pleasure, I find a hookah planted in the middle of the circle. I guess we'll call this home for a little while, Torchy.

Ahhh, life is fine. As I tap the hookah for another hit, the band breaks into On the Run.

Just for giggles, I yell over to the couple making out, "Hey you wankers! Get a bloody room!" To which the girl replies, "Hey! Fuck Off!"

I reached for the hookah again.

Ahhh, life is fine....

...

Part XXXI: Huygens Pees Like A Girl

During our last adventure, Torchy and I paused to gaze at the moon. I wondered offhandedly if it was a place to visit here in 2nd Life. After a quick search of my travel guide I concluded it was not, unfortunately. But, there was a site created by NASA to showcase their eventual return to the moon. We decided to head on over to see how things were going, although I'm sure they've made more progress in this life than the real one.

No sooner than we get there, Torchy spots a cousin of his and introduces me. After some 3rd degree burns, we say our goodbyes to the rocket scientist and move on.

The seat is a bit uncomfortable, but the view is amazing.

We attempt to learn something in one of the Mars simulation rooms without much luck. NASA should really get on the ball in real life and leave 2nd Life space to the sci-fi role play sites. Although with the economy the way it is, I bet lindens(2nd Life's currency) are all the government is willing to give NASA at the moment.

Say, I wonder how 2nd Life's economy is doing right now with real life in a financial mess. I bet I could go to the main website and find out, but the more and more I dwell in this simulated world, the more I love staying on the outer rim of society. Torchy and I are loners at heart and care not for the popular going-ons of this sim-construct.

I get an idea to type in my hometown, Springfield, into my guide to see if it has any representation here. Not a bit as it turns out, but you can probably guess what did come up. That's right, the Simpson's home town. Since it's the only Springfield we've got, we might as well go and say hi to Moe.

Oh man, this is terrible. The "Springfield" is remarkably strange. It's not laid out the same, which was to be expected. But instead of three dimensional characters, Moe and Barney are laughable cardboard cut-outs. They have a "touch me for a private chat" option. I give Barney a try. He starts spouting out Irish and other bizarre proverbs. So far, I'm not feeling Simpson here. Love the Duff Man poster, though.

Not liking what they did to Barney one bit, I activate the 2D Moe to see what's up. He spouts the same exact nonsense. Man, oh man, am I teed off. We gotta ditch this joint.

I find Homer and Marge's house and can say I'm not so impressed by the cardboard cutout background. I can understand if you can't afford the extra land or have the time to create the rest of the town, but could you at least make sure the panels match up?

We notice a slight proportion problem with the garage. Unfortunately, they didn't program the house to be gotten into.

Springfield Elementary is located right behind the Simpson's home. Why does Bart take a bus then? Anyway, there's a 2D Skinner waiting to greet me. By now it's no surprise that he spits out the same garbage Moe and Barney did.

But unlike the Simpson's house, we're able to enter this building. Everything is a bit scaled down, though. The classroom only has three desks. Cheeeeap.

We head into the bathroom. I'm surprised to find sexual oriented action balls around the toilet. Apparently this programmer was lazy and a perv.

You've got your standard blowjob and doggy style icons around one john, but it's the other one that has me fascinated. It simply says "Girl Pee!" Why the exclamation mark? Was the programmer that excited about it? I've got to try that one first.

Wow. I never knew girls arched their backs and gripped the bowl thusly when they peed. You learn something new everyday.

I had to find out how the female persuasion tackles a urinal as well. Turns out, it's about the same. Go figure.

On to the last toilet, I assume the felacio position. Some poor guy somewhere is missing out. It kind of looks like a real bear hug blowjob to me.

The bowl enjoys some of my doggy style. It looks like I'm about to hurl.

Who knew I'd find a wonderful spot of smut in a poorly fabricated Simpsons site? But, with 2nd Life, I should have figured.

...

Part XXX: These Night Folk, A Skittish And Paranoid Lot

Wake up, sweet Huygens. You've slept the day away.

Funny story. I was taking a short adventure earlier and testing SL on my home computer. I recently "acquired" some more memory for it. It was the reason I rarely had quests at home. The laptop could run it, but not well. Herky-jerky it was. Another reason involves discovering my new work CPU came loaded with an "impressive" 8 MB graphics card. I should probably mention SL requires at least 64 MB.

So there I was, logged on at home, with a rare spare moment in the afternoon. Huygens was still hanging around the area that's his default starting point. I have yet to change it and I always come back here if I die or get booted out of some place. I grabbed my bike out of my pocket and went for a spin on the docks. I came across a midget altering her appearance. I ran her over. I decided to see if I could fly my bike like E.T. but it didn't work. It looked like I was flying with a bike pasted to my torso. Kind of like a bike cape.

I fell from the sky onto the roof of a tiny one-room cottage. It had an open ceiling so I rode, actually dropped, my bike into it. I landed on the floor next to some guy in jams. I felt kind of weird just dropping through his roof like that so I said, "Sorry to drop in like that."

He said, "No problem." Then, we shared an awkward moment of silence. I didn't know what else to say so I mumbled something like, "Nice place." He said, "Thanks. I just rented it today." I said "That's cool. How much did it cost?" He said, "$100." I looked around the cramped cubical and told him, "Wow, man. You got hosed."

Then he exclaimed, "Phone! Sorry gotta go!" I hoped it was the phone and not my insulting his pricey cottage that caused him to leave. Anyway, he didn't say I had to leave and since the only thing in the tiny place was a king-sized bed, I thought I'd take a nap. I opted for the "sleep" icon and not the "dream out loud" one. Frankly, I don't want to know what Huygens dreams about. Or maybe I do.

After the wifey and baby fell asleep in real life, I jumped back on Second Life. I was still snoozing undisturbed and night was upon us. This will be the first time I've had an adventure at night in real life. I wonder if Second Life nightlife is any different than the daylife? I guess we'll see. It can't be any crazier.

I stumbled out of the hut to get my bearings. There was no sign of the guy renting the place. I guess that was a long-ass phone call he had.

I checked my map and saw that there was someone about a mile due west. Torchy and I took to the air and headed that direction to see if we could strike up a chat.

When we got to their land the forcefields were up. Apparently they did not want to be disturbed this late. I yelled, "Let me in!" No response was forthcoming. I tried again and again but got nothing.

What else was there to do but drop a few F-bombs on them. That'll teach that rude-ass.

So, we flew on.

I finally caught up with a couple of folks at an Indian outdoor bar. They appeared to be rapping up their conversation and were at the hugging stage. I said hello to no one in particular. They didn't acknowledge.

The woman said her goodbyes to the dude and teleported away, leaving her BF to prop up the bar. I went up and began to engage him in a little night chat. I said, "Wut up?" He replied, "Not much."

He asked me how I was doing. I said truthfully, "Pretty good." Then all of a sudden he exclaims, "Oh shit...gotta go! Sorry to run off on you. Enjoy!" And then he beamed out. I have no idea what his emergency pertained to, but I'm going to take Mr. Jacobus literally. Maybe he accidentally took a crap in his shorts and had to run to the bathroom to clean up. What was I supposed to "enjoy" here all by myself anyway? He forgot to tell me that before he took a duke and bolted.

So, we took to the air again in search of midnight conversation. We passed a house with a bad-ass light show on the roof.

Touching down a few clicks to the north, we find a lonely lass, aptly titled Lonely Yak, hanging out on her porch. Torchy's did a lovely job illuminating the night air so I strolled on up to the porch to engage this lonely woman.

We walk up the porch only to find her teleported away as soon as we get there. What the hell is up with that? Do we look suspicious or something? These night folk seem to be a skittish and paranoid lot, Torchy.

We soar through the digital night. There's plenty of communist looking Barack posters to look at. "I'm comrade Obama, and I approved the state making these posters!"

We stop to gaze longingly at the moon. If only it was a place to go and not just a 2D render in the night sky. I should check my guide, though. It might actually be a place I could visit.

We enjoy an unintentional grid like pattern in the distance that signifies 2nd Life's inability to raster the far-off landscape.

Ah ha! Found someone! I find a Normus Nootan, hovering above large pictures of squirrels and architecture, not doing much. I started to chat him up with, "Hey there, Normus! Nice night for a fly, eh?"

Dude took off like a chinchilla out of hell. The chase was on. In my best David Gilmour voice I yelled, "Why are you running away!?"

He almost lost me a couple of times until finally he thought he could loose me on the ocean floor. My radar doesn't lie and we found him. I walked up and said, "Yo! What's the dealio? I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk."

Then, he took the coward's way out. He logged off without a word and left me high and dry in this soggy place. What an asshole. What's wrong with these people, Torchy!?

There was nothing left to do but take off and search some more. After a few minutes of travel, we found someone else. We touched down in Pan's Labyrinth Piano and Blues Bar to find a gent named LycraBoy Dawner working the strip poll. Torchy suggested we try once more to converse with someone before our adventure was over. It might as well be this guy.

Easy, Huygens. Let's not scare this one off. I greeted him with a casual, "How's it going?" He replied with an equally casual, "Not bad." So far so good. He hasn't wigged out or taken off yet.

He remarked, "That's some flashlight." This irked Torchy quite a bit, but I tried to calm him down by introducing him. I said, "His name is Torchy."

Dawner said, "Cute name." This placated Torchy a little and I said, "He thinks so." I switched gears and told him he was the first person I've met tonight that didn't run away or log off as soon as I approached him. He laughed and said, "Oh well, nothing shocks me."

I said "That's cool. Can I rap with you then." He said sure and asked me what I wanted to know. I asked him, "Is this a gay bar?"

He said, "I don't think so. Why?" I replied, "I dunno. This place has a Liberace kind of vibe going and you're a guy in a tight white shirt working a stripper's poll."

He said, "Yes, it does appear that way (grin)." He was either being vague or coming on to me. Torchy thought the latter which boosted my ego a little. Dawner then asked, "And what are you looking for?"

I told him about my self-prescribed occupation of nomadic adventurer and that I like to document said adventures. He remarked, "Ahh. That sound rather interesting." I told him most of the time it was and asked him if it would be okay if he was included in my next story.

He replied, "Sure, but I don't know what you're going to write about me." I said, "Oh, basically that I just met this dude late at night practicing his stripper moves in a gay bar and he totally hit on me and wanted to make sweet sweet love all night long."

And apparently, I shocked he who could not be shocked. With my last sentence he teleported out with a quickness and without another word. Maybe he wasn't ready to come out yet. Sorry, Dawner. I didn't even get to tell him I was just joking.

But at the time, I was super pissed. I had yet one more person blink out on me and that was the last straw. What else was there to do but yell...

"Asshole!"

...