Year 2 - Part I: "Not Much"

There are some who say 2nd Life is a vacuous waste of time and a poor substitute for reality. I would agree with some of that. There are those who adore the friends they make, the house(s) they own, the good times they have and the money they make in SL and think it's the lion's meow. I would agree with some of those people too. Ever on the fence about this digital world, I decided that one year was not nearly enough time to pass judgment on it.

It's time to thaw old Huygens and Torchy out of digital hibernation. When the start page pulls up, I see what I had been expecting. 2nd Life has a new update. I would hope so since it's been a year since I logged on. I download and install it as fast as my machine will humanly allow. Love that tree image though. I think I might actually be getting somewhat possibly excited.

Starting back up again, I laugh at the next start up page displayed. It's not the strange ensemble of emo-looking characters having a picnic on a beautiful 2nd Life day, nor is it the new wide-screen aspect I will now have to deal with, but it's the deer in the background looking at these strange folk. It has this "What the hell did I just walk into here?" look in its stance.

I quickly type in my credentials, punch "Login" and send my sleeping avatar and his sidekick back to (2nd)life....

"Oh yeaaaaaah!"

But where the hell are we? No man's land? I don't remember signing out here the last time I was on. SL does have a slight unpredictability that I am fond of in this aspect. I do spot a shopping complex near here. Let's go have a gander, Torchy. I still have 16 lindens to spend somewhere. Maybe I can find someone there to fill me in on what's been happening here in the last 9 months.

The strip mall is pretty devoid of life too. The first thing we notice is the obligitory camping for cash spot. I'm almost tempted to check out the "Dictator Store" in the distance, but my need to chat is more impending. Time to bug out.

We take to the air and hit our travel guide up for somewhere to go. Torchy get nostalgic and suggests we hit a usual spot of ours, the SL Botanical Garden. If we want to get the skinny on the last nine months around here, I'm sure someone there will tell us.

Now while I'm sure SL has upped the graphics and textures of the place, the 64 Mb graphic card I'm working with on this adventure does not do them any justice. The trees look pasted onto the hill. I should try our next episode from my home computer and see the difference.

When did they put in the arboretum? Maybe I just never noticed it before.

I find my favorite water watching spot and sit down to watch some water. We're waiting for someone to show up. Finally, a couple does show up. I attempt to engage them but they brush me off. It must be the snooty time of the month around here. I tell them both to kiss off.

We check out the teleport map the snooty girl was checking out. I guess I never noticed it before. Most of the spots highlighted appear nature oriented. "Bliss Gardens" sounds kind of interesting. Maybe Torchy and I will do a bit of camping in the near future. But, for right now, we want to chat with someone. That "Hikari" site looks intriguing and tranquil. I bet there are no snooty people there.

There are no snooty people here. In fact, there's nobody here whatsoever. No small talk is to be had in Hikari. Visually, it's a pretty decent orgasm so we take a few minutes to explore.

There's not much here unless your library has a severe sutra deficiency. They have everything from the Kalama Sutra to the Metta Sutra. All with a price tag, of course. How Zen of you guys.

But where to? What possible location might have a bunch of overly friendly people very willing to chat? I know! A nude beach. Torchy and I don our birthday suits and take off for "Laguna Nude Beach".

"Oh yeaaaaaah!"

It's nice to be around people again. We have about a 2-1 ratio of nudity here. Not bad. I suppose we should mingle a little. Let's see if we can find us a scantily clad, buxom young lady that's into torches.

After rambling around a little, we head toward the water and find a young lady, SiNNa Mint, basking in the sun in what her god gave her. Torchy and I settle down on the towel beside her and strike up a local chat.

Me: "Sun's nice, eh?"
SiNNa: "Mmmmhmm...careful your gonna burn yourself."
At this point, I think she's referring to me rolling around on a towel with a lit torch.
Me: "It's OK, baby. I'm fireproof."
She seemed genuinely unimpressed and did not say anything. Maybe I was laying it on a little thick.
Me: "Sooo...What's been going on around here in the last nine months?
SiNNa: "Not much."
She's a regular wellspring of information. Torchy says maybe if I pay her a compliment she'll open up a little. It's worth a try.
Me: "Nice ass by the way. Did you make it yourself?"
She got up and left. I guess "not much" is better than nothing.

We're striking out left and right, Torchy. I guess SiNNa was right. Nothing has changed really.

We wander aimlessly. We take a shower. We try and rap with a couple more blokes. Nothing doing. I'm starting to realize why I took 9 months off.

Maybe we should weird it up a little ourselves, Torchy. I've seen some interestingly odd avatars around here. Let's change our appearance a little.

First, I'll pull out my most metro sexual outfit. A iridescent pink tank top, some tight purple leather pants, and a porcupine on my shoulder is a good start. I don't think I'm quite odd enough though.

Maybe a Darth Vader helmet and a peg leg will help. Yeah. That's looking about right. It needs something else though. Hmmmmm....

There! That does it. It just needed some elbow length, black nylon gloves. Perfect. Who wouldn't want to talk to this guy?

Incidentally, I like how the poor rendering of the peg leg still shows a chunk of my foot. Now that's classy. I wonder where we should take this new guise of ours, Torchy? Let's check the guide.

Speaking of meaningless, why not check out some fine dining and food accessories? "Kitchen Korner Food" looks promising. I bet they have plenty of things I have to imagine how they taste. People are also more prone to conversation on a full stomach too.


If there's one thing I know for certain about 2nd Life, it's that red carpet is the most popular. This place is pretty spiff. I decide to lose the Darth Vader helmet. It was getting stuffy and I couldn't see that well.

There's something disturbing about the shopping cart with the two unattended babies in it. I'm hopping SL has some laws concerning neglectful parents. Perhaps they belong to the gentlemen eating next to the "Animated Eating!" sign.

I knelt down at his table and attempt to engage the animated eater. I notice his title indicates he's an employee here. Either he's slacking big time or he's paid to pretend to eat. I can't decide which would be worse.

I ask him if the sushi here is good. He declines to acknowledge Torchy and I. Hmm. This guy is rude as hell or really into his work. Or, perhaps, I've bugged him on his lunch break. It would not be the first time we've busted in on some one's sanctuary.

I ask him if he likes fish sticks. Still nothing. Occasionally he looks up and it almost seems like he might say something but doesn't. Maybe he's not allowed to talk to anyone, like a royal palace guard or something. I tell him I'm going to call child services for neglecting his kids in the shopping cart. He looks up again and gives me a good 10 second stare, but after that, he goes right back to eating. Well, Torchy. Let's leave this deadbeat dad/slacker employee to his sushi.

We decide to check out the patio area with its lovely view and lone occupant, a violinist named Thundr Tabla. He's in the middle of belting out some jamming Mozart when I walked up to him. I accessed my gestures, enabled "Clapping" and told him that the music was pretty.

I figured no response was coming judging from the last "employee". But once I was done clapping, he stopped and took a bow. It was tempting to think he was real and not some automobotic-a-tron guy. So what to do?

I had an idea. As soon as he started back up I activated my "Boo" gesture and let him have it. He didn't acknowledge that one, and I kind of felt like a dick afterward even though I knew he probably wasn't sentient. Time to move on.

We head to the kitchen and find a bizarre looking avatar shopping for fridges. His name is Keesar Cushing and I wonder if he's any relation to Peter. I look closer and find out he's not all that bizarre but just really into the Pittsburgh Steelers. He also turns out to be the friendliest person I met so far in this episode.

Me: "What up?"
Keesar: "Not much, just shopping around, you?"

Me: "Oh, just visiting 2nd Life again. It's been about 9 months."
Keesar: "Cool. Welcome back."
Me: "Thanks."
Keesar: "You shopping too?"
Me: "Me? No. I took a vow of poverty. I kind of wander all over and chronicle it into my blog."

Keesar: "Sounds like fun. There is a lot to explore in SL, that's for sure."
Me: "Word."
Me: "Oh, by the way, you'll be featured in the next adventure as the one non-snooty person I had an interaction with."
Keesar: "That's funny. Yeah there are a lot of people here into their own thing and not much else."
Me: "You mean "assholes"."
Keesar: "Ha ha. Yeah."
Me: "Good luck with the shopping, Keesar, and thanks for chatting."
Keesar: "My pleasure. Good luck with the adventures."

We parted ways and I felt better after finding a friendly soul. It was nice finding Keesar. I was on the verge of washing my hands of this whole 2nd Life. At least there are still some nice, weird people still out there, so I guess not much has changed.

Somehow I end up in the liquor section. I must have a sixth sense about such things.

Ahhhh....enjoying one of my free drinks from my bag while perched on an overpriced keg you can't even drink from. I love the irony of this place sometimes...

...

Part XXXIII: 33

I've been chronicling 2nd Life for exactly one year now. Or as I like to call it, my cyber-walkabout. I've tapered off in the last few months due to being preoccupied in the real world. It turns out I'm going to have 33 adventures. I didn't plan it that way but I thought it was an interesting coincidence that I'm also 33 years-old. Maybe it's not interesting.

This might be Huygens and Torchy's last adventure. I'm not sure yet. I've had a blast touring simulated places people have created to escape their real ones. We've cheesed off a lot of people, had many interesting quests, participated in carnal acts of want, had many the wee drop and seen skies so deliciously digitally rendered that it made our eyelids heavy. We've even hung out with fellow bloggers. Keen!

Thank you, to all the readers who have left their comments and observations. I have gone back through the posts and discovered a lot more people left comments on some of my adventures than I thought. I don't know how, but some people from the Star Trek role site I was sneaking around in found this blog and lovingly invited me back. Most people I have met, and not ticked off, in 2nd Life have been really nice and accommodating to my split personality.

We'll see what the future holds for old H & T. With so much to do in real life and so little time, we might have to break our adventures up into seasons and not a year-long event. Huygens data profile will always be out there for me to access. And as long as 2nd Life allows deadbeats like me free access to their sim, then I doubt this will be the end of our heroes...

Fresh off the Pink Floyd boat, I log back in only to find the show over and the crowd has dispersed. I take to the stage, but the instruments are locked down tight. I wave a thank you to a non existent crowd and decide to hitch a ride on a laser beam that says it will take me to a Monty Python cinema.

At first it looks pretty plush and cool. Then, I start to notice something strange about the room.

It's hard to describe, but imagine you were a 3D person walking around inside a 2D painting. The closer I walk to things, the larger they get. Everything is huge. There are seats suited for people my size floating in, what I think is, the middle of room. No Monty Python is playing at the moment.

We decide to take a seat and enjoy the solitude for a sec. Due to the poor digital rendering, it appears like Torchy is impaling me. Maybe we're just that close anymore.

We get bored right on schedule and hightail it out of the cinema.

And, we're back at the original access point to the Pink Floyd, Python and etc. places. What the hell. We'll try checking out the 3D panorama site next. I'm in the mood to see some rugged beauty.

Again, it's like walking around in a photograph. It's disorienting and majestic. It's like having your own holodeck. I play around with a few other scenic landscapes. One was a restaurant. Possibly at the end of the universe.

Time to move on.

What to do? I know it might sound boring for a last adventure, but Torchy and I have a hankering to just mellow out in some quaint Scottish pub somewhere. Maybe chat with a local or two and have a pint or three.

We dial up our guide and come up with a real McKoy. What could be more Scottish than The Scottish Scotland. With that much redundancy in the name, you know it's got to be pretty damn Scottish. Plus, from the description, it's home to the Nicky Tams Pub. Sounds like our kind of place. We're off!

Huh. The Scottish Scotland looks a little more like Star Fleet than Scotland to me. Not that I mind. I like both places. We should explore and find that pub.

Found it! The place looks huge. Not many people here either. I'm hoping the bar is self serve.

We slide up to the bar. There is a bartender. He's slumped over in a restive state. Interestingly, his last name is Linden. I wonder if he's any relation to the creator of 2nd Life. I doubt it.

There are also two cardboard cutout bartenders. One looks like a drunk Leslie Nielson pouring two bottles and one looks like a young and bored G. W. Bush. For some reason, when I sit down at the bar, I assume the same stance as the bored Bush.

I know I'm probably not getting any drinks out of the slumped over Mr. Linden, so I tried the indifferent looking W. The cardboard facsimile dispensed me something called a Blue Orchid Drink.

I'm used to liquor talking to me in 2nd Life and this one didn't disappoint. The Blue Orchid Drink whispers to me, "MMm MMM good!"

Who am I to argue with alcohol. I start chugging away at the blue drink...

...with interesting results. Apparently, this drink kicks you in the ass because my ass was soon falling of my chair. Maybe one should not chug the Blue Orchid Drink.

Now I had a problem. I was thoroughly trashed and had no one to talk to. We wandered over to the enormous fireplace to regroup. Looking at our mini map, Torchy spotted some people behind the building. He suggested we check them out. This drunk torch speaks wisdom. Sure. We'll go meet these fine Scottish lads and have a wee chat.

We stumble out of Nicky Tams Pub and curse G. W. and his magic blue drink. I take to the air and fly behind the bar to see what those people are up to. Wow. There's a castle attached to this place.

It turns out the people are hanging out in the alley behind the bar. It's a rather shabby looking place complete with mismatched furniture, weeds growing through the pavement and old metal garbage cans with fires in them.

The slum's residents are having your typical 2nd Life conversation. By that I mean it makes no sense to me and seems pretty superficial. We might as well go say hi, Torchy.

I introduce myself. They return the salutation. The one called Chuck attempts to razz Torchy. He says, "The Olympics were over weeks ago, Huygens." I introduce Torchy and tell Chuck that he's actually not that athletic of a torch and he makes me carry him everywhere. Chuck and his mate seem genuinely confused about Torchy's sentience, so I don't pursue the subject.

I make a stupid drunk mistake and ask, "And how are you two fine Irish folks doing today?" I guess for a moment I thought I was in the Irish Ireland and not the Scottish Scotland.

Goldie says "eh, no Irish" and Chuck tells me "wrong planet lol". I tell them, "Sorry, I meant Scottish."

I take a seat, pull out my magic blue drink and begin some awkward drunk talk. I tell Goldie that it's a lovely day to slum it and asked if she thought so. She seemed perplexed by my question and stated, "Huh?"

I clarified by saying, "I meant the location. It's a bit rundown, wouldn't you say."

All of a sudden, she got snippy. She says "No, this is our place. We love it."

I had no intention to offend anyone, yet, so I tried to explain by saying, "Hey, I'm not dissing it. But it's not exactly the Ritz though."

She replied, "Whatever."

Whew, that was a close one. We don't want to get kicked out of here...yet.

I asked if anybody wanted a drink. The hot goth girl, named Von, was talking to Chuck about a recent bender she went on, so I thought it was the appropriate time to ask.

I caught a part of their conversation where Von said something about two glasses of wine and she was anybody's. I quickly went for my inventory and passed her a glass of Merlot. She accepted it with no reciprocation. What the hell? She lies.

Then she said she was actually more of a champagne chick herself. All right, I thought. I reached into my bag and pulled out a glass of the bubbly and offered it up. Again, she took it with no reciprocation. What a tease. Stupid lying goth elf chick.

I was getting bummed, but it was nothing a magic blue drink couldn't help.

I started chugging on the endless glass of Blue Orchid. Chuck told me to take it easy on the intense ingestion.

His words were not heeded. Again, I fell on my ass in a drunk stupor. It was met with much laughter.

I scrambled back up on my perch and proclaimed with sincerity, "I love you guysss!" And it was met with more laughter. One of them said that they were spoken for and the others returned to their private meaningless chat. I must be getting on their nerves.

Nothing to do now but get louder. I yelled, "Long Live Scotland!"

Chuck said, "You thought it was Ireland before."

I hazily replied, "Oh yeah? (hic) Sorry."

Chuck really busted a gut with my reply. Goldie expressed her dismay at me with a "geez". I thought things couldn't get any better.

That's when I got booted. Why? I'll never be sure. I thought they were being properly entertained by us, but maybe they really wanted to get back to that meaningless 2nd Life chat and were tired of the interruptions. We'll never know.

I'm really happy about it, though. We've been kicked out of so many 2nd Life venues that I've lost count. It wouldn't have been a proper year-end adventure without getting kicked out of somewhere. Right, Torchy?

He says indubitably.

Happy Holidays to you and yours from all of us in 2nd Life.

I'm sure there's still an adventure or two in our bag of tricks. Maybe we'll see you again next year sometime.

Until then, stay safe and be kind to strange avatars. They just might entertain the hell out of you.

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